(Groan from class.)

Mr. Jones:  We'll start with this sentence.  (He writes on the board "The cow jumped over the moon.")  Okay, class, what's the verb?

Eddie:  "Over."

Mr. Jones:  Over?  No, no.  Verbs can change tense.  If "over" was a verb, you would be able to make it past.

Tiffany:  It is.  It's over.  Past.

Mr. Jones:  (Smiling condenscendingly.)  Oh, I see what you mean.  Yes, "over" does sound past, but it isn't.  Let me put it another way:  if "over" is past, what's the present?

Tiffany:  Now.

Mr. Jones:  Come again?

Tiffany:  The present is now, the past is over.

Mr. Jones:  (Smiling again condenscendingly, but a little less kindly.)  Oh, yes, I see.  Let's take a different tack here:  I'll give you clues.  Okay, here's the first clue:  the verb of this sentence isn't "over."  What is it?

Sammy:  (Hesitantly)  Cow?

Mr. Jones:  No, it isn't "cow."  Remember, I told you yesterday that a verb shows action or being.

Tiffany:  The cow is showing being.

Mr. Jones:  How's that, Tiffany?

Tiffany:  He's being a cow.

Eddie:  (Correcting Tiffany)  No, Tiffany, he's BEEN  a cow.  He's always been one.

Tiffany:  No, you're wrong. She's always been one.  Remember, cows are girls.

Eddie:  Whoops. Sorry, girls. I was wrong.

Tiffany: No, you were actually right. The cow isn't showing action. I was wrong.

Eddie:  No, were right.  He's showing action. 

Tiffany:  She's showing action.

Billy: (extremely irritated) He, she, what difference does it make?

Sammy:  It makes a difference if you're a bull.

(General laughter. Someone shouts, "Bull!")

Mr. Jones: Yes, Eddie, go on. 

Eddie: The cow jumped over the moon. 

Mr. Jones: Right! So the verb is... 

Eddie: (Triumphantly) Cow! 

Mr. Jones: No, no, the cow isn't jumping. 

Sally: Yes, he is, Mr. Jones. He's jumping over the moon.

Mr. Jones: (Snapping) I know that. But it isn't the word "cow" that's jumping. 

Tiffany: Now, Mr. Jones, do you really expect us to believe any of these words are actually jumping? 

Sammy: I think they're just sitting there, up on the board. Even "cow" is just sitting there on the board. 

Mr. Jones: Okay, you're right. The actual words aren't jumping. But one word here is portraying the jumping. Which word is that? 

(Pause, then Eddie's hand goes up slowly.) 

Mr. Jones: Remember, it isn't "cow". 

(Quickly Eddie lowers his hand. Sammy raises his.) 

Mr. Jones: Yes, Sammy? 

Sammy: "Over"? (Mr. Jones's shoulders sag. Sammy adds quickly) No, not "over." It's definitely not "over." 

Mr. Jones: Come on, students. You can get this. I'll tell you what. I think some of you are afraid you'll get the wrong answer. Why don't you all just write down what word you think the verb is. Okay? 

(Students nod approvingly. Some begin writing, others contemplating.) 

Sammy: Mr. Jones, do you mind if I give everyone a little help? 

Mr. Jones: No, no, please do. 

(Sammy goes to the board and erases the word "over.") 

Mr. Jones: Good idea, Eddie. 

(Several students begin erasing their answers.) 

Mr. Jones: Look here: I'll erase some more words that aren't the verb. (He erases every word except "The" and "jumped.") Now take a look and tell me, which is the verb. It comes down to that. 

Tiffany: It can't be "the." 

Mr. Jones: That's right! Why not, Tiffany? 

Tiffany: Because you just erased it. 

Mr. Jones: I didn't erase it. Look, it's right there. 

Tiffany: I meant the other "the," the one you erased. 

Mr. Jones: (Drooping.) Oh, that one. Yes, you're right, it isn't that "the." But how about this "the," could this be the verb? 

Sammy: I think you're trying to give us a hint, aren't you, Mr. Jones? 

Mr. Jones: Well, I might be. So what do you think? 

Sammy: I don't think it is. 

Mr. Jones: So what is the verb? 

Sammy: It isn't up there. You gave us one of those tricky sentences that don't have a verb. Like "The End." 

Mr. Jones: No, Sammy:, it isn't one of those tricky sentences. It's up there. Go ahead, everybody, flip a coin, make a guess. I'll give 5 bonus points for anyone who guesses right. In fact, I'll give 2 points for anyone who guesses wrong. Just make a guess. 

Sally: Mr. Jones? 

Mr. Jones: Yes, Sally? 

Sally: I forget what the sentence is. What jumped? 

Mr. Jones: It doesn't matter, Sally, it really doesn't. Just guess: "the" or "jumped." 

Sally: What about them? 

Mr. Jones: That doesn't matter either. This is just a game now, like "What number am I thinking." Just make a guess.

(Sally shrugs and writes down something. The rest of the class completes the same action. One kid actually flips a coin. Several others lean in towards him to see what he flipped, then a couple change their answers.) 

Mr. Jones: Okay, class. Let's see how well we did. How many of you put "the"? 

(About half the students raise their hands.) 

Mr. Jones: Good guess, but incorrect. Give yourself 2 bonus points. Okay, now how many put "jumped"? 

(The rest raise their hands very enthusiastically.) 

Mr. Jones: Excellent! You people can give yourself 5 bonus points. (Several students give each other high fives.) Now pass up your papers. 

(The bell rings.) 

Mr. Jones: Okay, good job, kids. No assignment for tomorrow...we'll finish up grading today's. 

(As the students file out, Sally stops at Mr. Jone's desk.) 

Sally: Mr. Jones? 

Mr. Jones: Yes, Sally? 

Sally: You did a great job. We never had that many get the right answer for our regular teacher. 

Mr. Jones: Oh, really? Well, that makes me feel good. But honestly, Sally, you know why "jumped" is the verb, don't you? 

Sally: Oh, no. I missed it. I only got the two bonus points.